“Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.”
“This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.”
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
“If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.”
“Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.”
“A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.”
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
“Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
“I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.”
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
“The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.”
“The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.”
“We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.”
“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.”
“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”
“It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.”
“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”
“All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.”
“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.”
“Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.”
“I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.”