“Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it.”
“I like reading Ball Tongue lyrics and all that stuff. And they published a book, and I wouldn't give my lyrics, and it's all wrong in the book, and I giggle. It's funny.”
“There's something dangerous about what's funny. Jarring and disconcerting. There is a connection between funny and scary.”
“I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.”
“If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
“And let that be a lesson to you all. Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row.”
“My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.”
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”
“A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.”
“I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
“Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.”
“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
“I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.”
“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”
“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
“Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.”
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”