“I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'”
“If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.”
George Bernard ShawHave reserved two tickets for my first night. Come and bring a friend, if you have one.
Winston ChurchillImpossible to come to first night. Will come to second night, if you have one.
Churchill by Himself: The Definitive Collecti...
“There's a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.”
“When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.”
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
“Two of the most famous products of Berkeley are LSD and Unix. I don’t think that this is a coincidence.”
“That's what I do. I drink and I know things.”
Game of Thrones
“It only takes one drink to get me drunk. I can just never remember if it's the eighth or ninth.”
“It's so crowded, nobody goes there.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogi_Berra#Quota...
“The only thing I know of whose shortened form — www — takes three times longer to say than what it's short for.”
“I'm only late three or four times once a month.”
Pawn Stars, Season 8, Episode 32. TV.
“Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.”
“The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.”
“No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.”
“You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it's supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you're doing and make the action work for that and for the character.”
“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
“I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”
“You're only as good as your last haircut.”
“There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”
“Polite conversation is rarely either.”