“One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”
“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
“I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.”
“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”
“I never said most of the things I said.”
“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.”
“I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.”
“The superfluous, a very necessary thing.”
“Be obscure clearly.”
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
“If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.”
“There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.”
“If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.”
“The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.'”
“It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.”
“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”