“I rant, therefore I am.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.”
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
“When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”
“When the sun comes up, I have morals again.”
“Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.”
“I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.”
“Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.”
“Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.”
“Never put a sock in a toaster.”
“I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.”
“I wish I had the nerve not to tip.”
“How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.”
“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”
“I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.”
“I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.”
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
“Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?”
“Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.”
“It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.”
“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
“Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?”
“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”
“I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.”