969 private quotes tagged funny

“I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.”— Keanu Reeves

“Hemingway seems to be in a funny position. People nowadays can't identify with him closely as a member of their own generation, and he isn't yet historical.”— Leslie Fiedler

“It's funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have.”— Liam Neeson

“Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.”— David Ogden Stiers

“I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.”— Will Ferrell

“The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband.”— Francesca Annis

“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”— David Sedaris

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”— Jim Carrey

“When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them, 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny.”— Mindy Kaling

“I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.”— Anne Lamott

“I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids.”— Katy Perry

“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.”— Garrison Keillor

“It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.”— J. D. Salinger

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.”— Reba McEntire

“Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.”— Susan Sontag

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”— Don Marquis

“I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.”— Leslie Fiedler

“The word 'funny' is a bit like the word 'love' - we don't have enough words to describe the many varieties.”— George Saunders

“Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.”— Johnny Vegas

“I don't really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric... I'm not operating on somebody's brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it's all funny.”— Harry Connick, Jr.

“Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.”— Neil Gaiman

“Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.”— Milton Berle

“We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!”— Josh Hutcherson

“It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.”— Chuck Palahniuk

“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”— P. J. O'Rourke