Topic

funny

969 quotes

Quotes

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“I didn't grow up identifying with beauty. I grew up thinking I could be smart and funny - those are the things I got feedback on.”— Lauren Graham
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“My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”— Spike Milligan
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“Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”— Bill Vaughan
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“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.”— Jenny McCarthy
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“It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.”— Arnold Schwarzenegger
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“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.”— Imelda Marcos
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“I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.”— Paul Lynde
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“Keep your sense of humor, my friend if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.”— Wavy Gravy
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“They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?”— Casey Stengel
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“The next time you have a thought... let it go.”— Ron White
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“I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.”— Fred Allen
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“As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”— Buddy Hackett
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“All men are equal before fish.”— Herbert Hoover
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“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?”— Lily Tomlin
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“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”— Joe E. Lewis
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“The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make weird funny comments. I can see in myself her self-deprecating, hippie humour. I can't take myself too seriously.”— Drew Barrymore
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“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”— Billy Connolly
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“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”— Henry A. Kissinger
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“You know what's funny to me? Attitude.”— Don Rickles
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“Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.”— Oscar Levant
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“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”— Casey Stengel
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“I got pregnant at 40 by surprise. It's funny, because when we found out we were pregnant, I said, 'Okay, let's experience that.' You just have to just go with it because it's rare.”— Julianna Margulies
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“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”— Jim Carrey
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“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”— Don Marquis
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“I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.”— Joaquin Phoenix