“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
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“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
“Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?”
“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.”
“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”
“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
“If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.”
“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
“A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.”
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”
“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”