“They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?”
Topic
funny
969 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.”
“It's not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn't have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn't have much to do with reality.”
“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.”
“It's not common for a woman on television, especially if she's the mom of the family, to be funny. She's usually a straight man or foil.”
“I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.”
“People just don't laugh when their family is violated, and you don't shrug it off. You band together and you defend together. It's a funny, primitive instinct.”
“I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble!”
“It's funny - nowadays people that are famous get chased by paparazzi. They have this fame, but they don't have the money to hide from it.”
“I follow the most random people on Twitter. I follow famous people like Khloe Kardashian, who surprisingly makes really funny tweets all the time.”
“You know, Stephen says, in the movies no one ever goes to the bathroom. They shave, they brush their teeth. He goes right at this sort of funny taboo we have about the bathroom, and he turned it into this nightmare, you know, your worst fear of what's in there.”
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”
“Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”
“Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.”
“It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry.”
“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”
“Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.”
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”