Author

Jerry Seinfeld

23 quotes Popular first.

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“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“If you're more interested in what you have achieved, or what you're financial position enables you to do than that thing that got those things, you're screwed.”— Jerry Seinfeld
Source:http://www.nbcnews.com/nightly-news/jerry-seinfeld-brian-...
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“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“If there were no flowers earth would be populated by men and lesbians.”— Jerry Seinfeld
Context:On the importance of flowers in a relationship
Source:Jerry Before Seinfeld
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“Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.”— Jerry Seinfeld
Source:https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2blrd9/jerry_seinf...
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“I can talk to all of you, but I can’t talk to any of you.”— Jerry Seinfeld
Context:On having social awkwardness when one on one but not towards a group.
Source:Jerry Before Seinfeld
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“There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Men want to make women happy.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“I love being a dad. I just love it.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.”— Jerry Seinfeld
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“The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.”— Jerry Seinfeld