“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”
Topic
medical
285 quotes
Quotes, most loved first
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.”
“Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress when I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other.”
“Doctors are just the same as lawyers the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”
“The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity.”
“All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.”
“You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.”
“Whenever a doctor cannot do good, he must be kept from doing harm.”
“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
“My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.”
“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”
“I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.”
“In the name of Hypocrites, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man: survival.”
“The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.”
“You can die of the cure before you die of the illness.”
“People are so afraid of authority figures and doctors are authority figures.”
“The physician's highest calling, his only calling, is to make sick people healthy - to heal, as it is termed.”
“Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.”
“When a man goes through six years training to be a doctor he will never be the same. He knows too much.”
“I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?”
“Mammograms are really sort of a gift. You can either catch something early or count your lucky stars because nothing was discovered. Either way, you're ahead of the game.”
“If you look at the human condition today, not everyone is well fed, has access to good medical care, or the physical basics that provide for a healthy and a happy life.”
“Passion, you see, can be destroyed by a doctor. It cannot be created.”